"The Hardest Word": A Real Life Story of Abortion

We love to share success stories with you so that together we can celebrate the hundreds of little lives that you save each year. Sadly though, there are still thousands of abortions every year in Palm Beach County alone. One of the often overlooked tragedies of abortion is how much women who have had abortions can suffer from their decision in the years that follow.

When you save babies from abortion, you are also saving women from a lifetime of inner turmoil. The following story was recently emailed to us by one of our supporters who was brave enough to share her own abortion experience.

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I had an abortion 26 years ago. I was a 20-year-old at the time and didn't want my parents to find out. I was very self-centered back then and never considered the option of having the baby. In fact, that never was an option in my mind.

I was told by others at the time that the worst part of the abortion procedure was the sound of the suction machine, so I brought my Sony Walkman all set to go with Elton John's "Live in Australia" album. The song that started playing in my ears during the procedure was "Sorry Seems To Be the Hardest Word." I felt like the baby was saying the lyrics directly to me:

What have I got to do to make you love me? 

What have I got to do to make you care?

What do I do when lightning strikes me,

And to wake to find that you're not there?

What do I do to make you want me?

What have I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over, 

And sorry seems to be the hardest word?

It's sad, so sad, it's a sad, sad situation

And it's getting more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad, why can't we talk it over?

Oh, it seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word.

These lyrics tore at my heart, but I was afraid to stop the music and fast forward because then I would hear the suction machine.

Many years later, I was married and trying to get pregnant, and all the while thinking that God was saying to me, "I gave you a baby once, and look what you did! Why would I give you another one?" By the grace of God, after five years, I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl and the realization hit me again about the baby I had aborted.

What I had missed out on as a result of my abortion? I thought about how I could have blessed a couple who couldn't have a baby of their own. I've never felt such a deep connection to another human being as I have with my child -- as if my heart was now walking around outside my body.

I have to believe that God can make something positive come from a decision that I have always regretted. I know that God, through Jesus, has forgiven me, but the hardest part has always been forgiving myself.

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It was difficult to read this story with dry eyes, but as painful as it is, please know that God is now using this very same woman to play an active role in helping women in crisis pregnancies to choose life. You can do the same thing by getting involved at First Care!